Log in

No account? Create an account
27 January 2007 @ 11:38 am
Wow, Titans, it's really been a while, hasn't it? But happy new year and here's to a whole twelve more months full of suck. In the time we've been gone, let me just say that I've built up a lot of completely rational hatred for all of you guys. ♥

The first batch of "icons" comes from the TGN forums member run_sarrah. I could post more than one of these, but they all pretty much run the gamut of shit, so here's one that I believe is exemplary.

Let's see, what have we here? First off, way to go on leaving the TGN watermark in clear view, since all you did was resize the base screencap. Second, check the dimensions of this -- 128x100. Not only are the dimensions odd and ultimately useless, but in the very slim chance that some poor blind fool wants to use this (or any) if your avatars, they won't be able to; the limits are 100x100 on TGN and most other forums. Even smaller elsewhere. Third, invest in a program with a goddamn text tool. While I admire your "devotion" to these horrible things, writing in text pixel-by-pixel is unnecessary, sloppy, and way too time-consuming.

Speaking of text, just look at the placement on this. I haven't seen placement as bad as this since George W. Bush got re-elected. Which brings me to the watermark in the lower right-hand corner. This is in every one of her icons. Sometimes twice, just in case the point didn't get across the first time. First of all, I can't see myself ever wanting to own up to having created something like this. Second, there are places to credit the maker outside of the icon itself, like in the signature field on TGN, or in the comments for an icon on LJ -- neither of which would be valid places to use this avatar, actually.

I think I've pretty much said everything that can be said about her avatars, so let's move on to someone new. macrobiotic, also from the TitansGo.Net forums, is an interesting case. Most of his avatars are halfway decent, I have to say. But, well.

I think maybe he wants to be a fashion designer and is just making icons in his spare time to... get the money. To go to fashion school. Yes, this makes perfect sense.

This, however, does not make perfect sense. I just. Wow. Clearly doing no evil is not first on his mind, because this is probably one of the most heinous crimes towards the icon community that I've seen all year.

Well, I certainly hope you all laughed at this. Me, I'm gonna try to pretend I don't hate everyone by having a visit with three of my very good friends: Jack Daniels, Cpt. Morgan, and Señor Cuervo.
18 August 2006 @ 11:46 pm
The newest member of the gang, Kid Flash, is here to learn you all.

I am here to nitpick, complain, and outright bash THINGS I DON'T LIKE. Cause that's what makes me cool.

Things like this, courtesy of one gammashade.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

These two are two in a series, so I'll complain about both at once! What the fuck is this shit? People, what's the point of text if you CAN'T READ IT? Text is a mode of communication. You're trying to tell something. Things should not impede the telling of the something. No contrast between the text, small heavily antialiased italicised fonts... It's like you WANT them to struggle! Douchebag. Your mustard yellows and 70s appliance green don't help either.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

HELLO I CANNOT READ THIS AGAIN! WHY THE HELL DO YOU DO THIS? If you have more text than available space... INVENT SOME SPACE! It's not hard! Maybe if you chose a font designed specifically for the purpose of USING SMALL TEXT you could, you know, make out what this says. What is the point of this icon? Your Z-motif is not interesting and is distracting composition. Oh, and the black stroke thing? Done. Think of something new.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Slightly more readable. Except for the very last word. Your emphasis tools actually detract from it. And is that a spelling error? Shouldn't it be Unfortunately for you? This icon's content makes no sense, even though the mediocre design is passable.

But really - this is just child's play. Anyone can nitpick something that could masquerade as passable. But no - the real fun is just telling people they suck. People like mufasalovespie from TGN. With such quality work as this:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

I mean, wow. First, you ruin the original image by squashing it. Learn to crop. This is almost as bad as douchebags who spend thousands on a widescreen HDTV only to stretch a 4:3 aspect ratio image to "fill the screen cuz I hate those black bars dur." Second... Your choice in serif fonts is terribly lacking. How about a classic, like Sabon or Garamond? You could at least try to tarnish those instead of Times, which has so much tarnish already, what's the point?

I'm not limited to mocking icons, though - sigs are fair game, and boy do this Mufasa character's sigs blow. Check this one out.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


But it doesn't stop there. Oh no.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

GOD DAMN. Interpolation! Crappy interpolation! More stretching! POORLY CREATED ORIGINAL ITEMS! This is an abortion through and through. There is nothing redeeming about it. It has no point in its message, it is not aesthetically pleasing to look at, and it is not even remotely funny. God. What did you make this in? You need to stop posing as an artist and stick with your chintzy icon "compositions" because you clearly bit off more than you could chew.

This has been an introductory post from Flash Masterson. More will be on its way soon.
18 August 2006 @ 11:48 pm
Holla! I'm a snarking virgin so this'll be my first time. So cut me some slack, girlfriend, because I can get better!

These works of art come from, you guessed it, MufassaLovesPie!

Is that you Slade? Come on out! Don't be shy!

Poor Red X! Mercilessly squashed like a Goomba!

Spontaneous combustion usually is pretty unexpected. Someone help! Star and Kid Flash are engulfed in flames!
18 August 2006 @ 10:47 pm
Cy is back in the hizzhouse. And before you guys get all up in my Kool-Aid about this snarking, I got some permission to put down the creator of these two songsets by raefire. I'm telling ya, it was hard to pick out the best worst of the lot, because they're all so insulting to the senses. Yes, even taste.

Case 1

Yeah, I'm feelin' it too. An experiment with the burn filter gone wrong. Ooooooh, snap!

SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! Star, Star! You've turned into a bug!

Star! Where'd you go? Can you hear me?

I can't handle the color rape. SYSTEM OVERLOAD, SYSTEM OVERLOAD.

Okay, I'm liking this close up, heh heh heh. (Hope Rob doesn't see this...)

This could go on, but let's move onto Case 2.

How can anyone see through that mess?

Sorry, dawg, but any attempts at badassery here were lost by the girly watermark.

Anyone else a tad disturbed? Anyone?

Let's read this together... "You cannot hoe from me." I shit you not.

I'm outta stuff to say, so I'll just say this: DEAR LAWD!

You guys have probably seen watermarks before, but when I think watermark, I think to put 'em on stuff that people would actually want to steal. And this is not the case.

I'm outta here. Peace.
18 August 2006 @ 06:32 pm
A wise man once said "there are two things you can expect on the internet: anonymous ridicule, and porn." Truly a sage. That having been said, we now have The Mean Police after us. OH GOD WHATEVER WILL WE DO! DUCK AND COVER, TITANS! IF IT CAN SAVE US IN A NUCLEAR ATTACK, SURELY IT WILL HELP US SURVIVE THE ASSAULT OF THE MEAN POLICE!

To all our new fans, I just want to extend my welcome to Big Fluffy Cat. Please enjoy your stay. And remember, if you find us funny, we're happy to have you. If you hate us, welcome to The Internet, land of anonymous ridicule where people say mean things oh boo hoo ;____;

Let's take a break from TitansGo's abominations and go back to where it all began, Livejournal. Our offender tonight is xorli_stalkerx. I don't know who told this bitch it was a great idea to make icons too dark to see. I want them found and put out in front of a firing squad.

I wonder the same thing, Star. I think leaving is the best way to get away from the terrible desaturation and random boxes of nothing.

That's funny. Lightning here in The Real World lightens up the sky.

This is fucking ridiculous. When I have to lean all the way across my desk to see what the fuck the subject is, something is very wrong.

"Embrace?" No, that's Raven running at Beast Boy to save him from the light texture falling from the ceiling to stab him in the head. HURRY, RAVEN, YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME!

I'm not sure if this is some new internet meme, but what is it with people showing their subjects being assraped? First Beast Boy by Slade, now Raven by her Soul Raven?

HA HA, I SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE! HE'S CRYING SO HE'S OBVIOUSLY ANGSTX100000! Me, I know the truth. He's being separated from his siamese twin. I wonder who gets the liver.

OH TEH F00N4YZ KEEP ON COMING! I was just thinking the other day that I hadn't sen 500p4|2 4\/\/353/\/\ 1337 5p34|< in ages and was hoping someone would bring it back! I'm glad she obliged me. And with light textures all over my face, too! Oh, I can't contain the joy running through my veins right now.

I love the irony going on here. I'm absolutely disgusted, but this person obviously knows my true thoughts and thinks I think Beast Boy is a flirt master. Sorry, love, the only flirt master for me is snarkfire.

Evil has a what face? A "not-antialised font" face? A "badly duplicated subject" face?

Oh wow, I didn't know she knew that I longed for the day when Beast Boy's face would melt away. I wonder how she found out.
15 August 2006 @ 09:06 pm
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with creative introductions anymore, Titans. It always comes down to a crapload of suckiness. So here's the latest collection of bags of douche from xqueenofgreenx on the TitansGo.Net forums.


So... many... bad grammar!

Is... is there even text in that crappily-resized thing? I mean, the only time I want purple on top of something as delicious as meat is when I'm talking about Starfire.

Jesus, speaking of Starfire. Where can I get some of the shit you're on?

Oh man, and I thought it was lucky just being a guy -- now I can get four girls for every two, thanks to the Queen of Green's super-awesome sig-making skills!

So does that mean they can, like, kiss twice as much now? With them having small duplicates of themselves coming out of their heads and everything. Also, Terra, I completely get your anger. With all that random text everywhere -- and none of it antialiased, either -- those jagged edges must be cutting you up like hell.

This one's got nothing to do with lesbians, so it automatically loses, but it does have something gay on it: Aqualad! But I have no idea what Aqualad's even supposed to be saying. Are those Qs or 9s? And why would he be saying either? Besides, he can live on more than fish. He could probably find a native to give a blowfish to, if you know what I mean.

Okay, you know what, I give up. I'm gonna go find Starfire so we can have hot sex.
I decided to have a family night of snark. The victims of today's post are TruLuvW8zGrl4GoD and her sister, MufassaLuvsPIE. Let's just hope their crazy Christian parents haven't spawned any more horrible "graphics" creators, (if you can bear to call them that) or we might be seeing Tru Jr. in two years!

Let's start with TruLuvW8zGrl4GoD.

What exactly IS that in Robin's arms? I could've sworn it was a dress, but then I squinted and turned my head slightly to the left and I could barely make out Star. Way to go! If that's what happens when Robin loves you, I want none of it.

Wait, Beast Boy is angsty? I always thought he was the one cheering everyone up. And what exactly is going on in this icon? snarkfire said Beast Boy must be getting assraped by Slade in this picture. I agree, it's probably the only way his face would look like that.

Terra, what exactly ARE you being bound to me by? Is it that black shit in the corner? HOLY GOD EVERYONE IT'S A VERMICIOUS KNID! WE HAVE TO SAVE TERRA!

...I don't want to know what that white splattered substance is, but if it's what I THINK it is, I guess everyone gets off to different things. Schoolgirl!Terra just happens to be one of them.

Sup unneeded image box? There isn't really a point to a little box that has an image that DOESN'T MOVE.

The thrill of what? Boxes over your face? Shitty textures? What? What is this?

And now a few gems from the trash heap that is Mufassa's graphics thread.

Hahah burping! SO FUNNY AM I RITE. Glossing over the fact that the quality of the image is horrible, the text doesn't match anything except the mold that grows near Terra's mouth.

Yes, the power of shitty blending paired with white blotches over my face is truly amazing. It's really too bad they couldn't try to unstretch my images before smashing them all into this sad, sad excuse for a signature. Also... SUP SCRIPTINA?

Wait wait wait. "Crimson Beauty"? I could've sworn that Starfire is ORANGE. I guess "Pumpkin beauty" just didn't roll of the tongue. Also, why is she kicking herself in the face? Oh wait, I know the answer to this one! She's try to kick herself in the head hard enough that she'll forgot she's been stretched and badly blended into such a horrible signature!

You know what's a mystery to me? Why there's text over my face and why the word is repeated twice. Hey, you know what Mufassa? You CAN put text somewhere THAT'S NOT RIGHT OVER MY MOTHERFUCKING FACE! You learn something new every day, huh?

Hey guys, we can look at Nightwing through a misty windshield while the wipers are going! Oh wait... no, nevermind. That's just a really idiotic use of animated blurring.


Well, that's about all I can take for today. I'm off to meditate and try to forget my anger at the lack of skill displayed here.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Amélie Soundtrack - Comptine D'Un Autre Ete: L'Apres Midi
15 July 2006 @ 04:00 pm
The repeat offenders just keep on rolling in! Our first culprit is xshift

Whoa man. That's some hot fanservice right there. At least I think that's what it is. The icon's too damn dark to make out anything. Is Terra swimming? Is her head exploding? What?

Oh joy! Another one that's way too dark with too small text with a horribly chosen font. No wonder I'm not getting closer to Terra. It's hard to work through that massive load of crap between us.

Um..."travelling at the speed"? SPEED OF WHAT. OH MAN THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME. And I really do love the Scrabble effect on those letters. Hey! Is that a red background? Triple word score!

Here's another girl from the Titansgo.net forums that can't learn how to icon for crap! Starrob4ever makes another appearance on this community.

Ugh. My heart would easily break after being raped with so many textures blended together. Looks like I was shat and vomited on. Way to treat a guy after his girlfriend dumps him.


Awww cute. Looks like Robin decided to go kill himself by getting stuck in a dryer. At least he's got his Special Ed helmet on.

And here's one by TruLuvw8zGrl4God.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE. It looks like a black thing is mindraping Raven or something. Also, what's with the weird rectangle next to it? IT SERVES NO PURPOSE. Also also, the white line at the left side of the icon? One of the most annoying things you can have.
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: Soulwax-The Beatles vs. Kraftwerk
27 June 2006 @ 03:25 pm
Holy Jesus nipples, snarkers! I was just sitting here minding my own business when I happened across a torrent -- nay, a veritable deluge of suck! And you'd think a website devoted to the Titans would have decent representations of us, too. Let's take a look at some icons from Rumpelteazer.

If anyone sees Raven, could you tell her to get that gaping wound in her head checked out? It can't be good for her health.

Ugh. Hold on, guys. I need to fix the TV. Damn rabbit ears. I can never get a clear picture during my girlfights.

Holy burn filter! I know I trained under the Dark Knight, but this is getting ridiculous!

Wow, Terra. With such blinding overuse of the burn filter mixed with completely eye-searing white text, I can see why you decided to leave Slade in the end.

There certainly is a panic at this disco. I've lost face -- literally. Oh, wait, I think I see one of my ears in there. Unless I'm imagining it.

And though she is by no means new to this community, MufassaLuvsPIE merits mentioning again. Yes, it's a sig banner, but it still sucks.

I have no idea where to even start. This banner almost makes me want to break up with Starfire just from looking at it. (Of course, I would never do that, because I love her hot sexxings too much. Aliens do it better, and don't let anyone tell you different.) Not even Picasso could love this wretched abortion of a sig banner.
22 June 2006 @ 08:58 pm
DUDE! Will Titansgo.net ever stop being the resevoir the sucky icons that it is? Let's hope not! Here are some gems from RobynStarling.

Wow, Terra really loves mud, doesn't she? So much so that she decided to engrave a spitting image of herself in there! Wait, is that actually Terra? All I see is a brownish thing with points. Also, much needed anti-aliasing in the text there. Not to mention that the text actually has little to do with the icon whatsoever.

I'd unleash some righteous fury too if I were resized in Paint and coupled with pink bars that are randomly placed everywhere. At least she knows what opacity is. Unfortunately she's gotta mash it on Starfire.

I accept your apology, Star. It's not like it's your fault that you were blended so badly. Seriously, what is that? Did Starfire become some kind of Egyptian princess or is her head trying to attract a mate?

AUGH. FINE. WE GET IT. Terra is a tortured, broken soul whose had her share of emo moments. Not to mention being grouped into a demographic of icons and banners where she's crappily resized and paired with obvious Titansgo.net and Toonami logos.

This entire graphic isn't even worthy of ridicule. I think anything scathing I could say about it can be said by any innocent bystander of this utter crap. One thing I gotta say, though. She didn't use MSPaint for this. No, worse. What's worse? She used Microsoft Word to make this. Things like these make me wish that the virus I caught killed me instead of made me green.

Here's one sig by MufassaluvsPIE for shits and giggles.

Unless Starfire has opposable toes, I'm pretty sure that's a manicure, and I'm the guy that has black toenails due to neglect. Secondly, image stratched out of proportion much? Thirdly, that is one godawful texture slapped on there. Is she going for a Starfire mosaic of something. I know I wouldn't want to see that hanging in an art museum.

That's it. I've seen enough.
Current Mood: pissed offpissed