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18 August 2006 @ 11:46 pm
Flash Masterson is in the house.  
The newest member of the gang, Kid Flash, is here to learn you all.

I am here to nitpick, complain, and outright bash THINGS I DON'T LIKE. Cause that's what makes me cool.

Things like this, courtesy of one gammashade.

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These two are two in a series, so I'll complain about both at once! What the fuck is this shit? People, what's the point of text if you CAN'T READ IT? Text is a mode of communication. You're trying to tell something. Things should not impede the telling of the something. No contrast between the text, small heavily antialiased italicised fonts... It's like you WANT them to struggle! Douchebag. Your mustard yellows and 70s appliance green don't help either.

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HELLO I CANNOT READ THIS AGAIN! WHY THE HELL DO YOU DO THIS? If you have more text than available space... INVENT SOME SPACE! It's not hard! Maybe if you chose a font designed specifically for the purpose of USING SMALL TEXT you could, you know, make out what this says. What is the point of this icon? Your Z-motif is not interesting and is distracting composition. Oh, and the black stroke thing? Done. Think of something new.

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Slightly more readable. Except for the very last word. Your emphasis tools actually detract from it. And is that a spelling error? Shouldn't it be Unfortunately for you? This icon's content makes no sense, even though the mediocre design is passable.

But really - this is just child's play. Anyone can nitpick something that could masquerade as passable. But no - the real fun is just telling people they suck. People like mufasalovespie from TGN. With such quality work as this:

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I mean, wow. First, you ruin the original image by squashing it. Learn to crop. This is almost as bad as douchebags who spend thousands on a widescreen HDTV only to stretch a 4:3 aspect ratio image to "fill the screen cuz I hate those black bars dur." Second... Your choice in serif fonts is terribly lacking. How about a classic, like Sabon or Garamond? You could at least try to tarnish those instead of Times, which has so much tarnish already, what's the point?

I'm not limited to mocking icons, though - sigs are fair game, and boy do this Mufasa character's sigs blow. Check this one out.

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STOP DOING THAT. I MEAN IT. IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD. YOU ARE NOT DOING YOURSELF ANY FAVORS!

But it doesn't stop there. Oh no.

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GOD DAMN. Interpolation! Crappy interpolation! More stretching! POORLY CREATED ORIGINAL ITEMS! This is an abortion through and through. There is nothing redeeming about it. It has no point in its message, it is not aesthetically pleasing to look at, and it is not even remotely funny. God. What did you make this in? You need to stop posing as an artist and stick with your chintzy icon "compositions" because you clearly bit off more than you could chew.

This has been an introductory post from Flash Masterson. More will be on its way soon.
 
 
 
snarkfire on August 19th, 2006 01:34 pm (UTC)
Hey, it's our resident professional! What is up, Kid Flash!

I am still recovering from having a smashed head in that signature. D:
kidsnark on August 19th, 2006 08:42 pm (UTC)
I'm still recovering from being on fire!